The Lazy Pundit is a fax machine that keeps drinks cold! It fits into the boot of a car.

Kevin Shaum is a letter-opener that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect and makes reassuring noises.

Larry Wall is a key-ring that keeps your breath fresh for up to twenty-four hours, is made of rubber and tells you when people are lying. (I just know that if Larry reads this, it'll be the subject of next year's State of the Onion address.)

Damian Conway is a contraceptive device that has no moving parts! (Somehow I think he'd like this.)

Perl 5 is a bicycle that comes with a variety of coloured fascias and is rustproof. (There is more than one way to pedal.)

Perl 6 is a fizzy drink! It does away with household drudgery!

Movable Type is a pudding! It is guaranteed to save you a hundred pounds a month!

Okay, that's enough.