The Onion, beacon of truth and clarion of hope for tomorrow, brings us word of a voice of common sense and firm resolve, a true leader for these troubled times.

He's opposed to higher taxes, strong on defense, and more articulate than Dubya. And the downside is what, exactly?

Put him on the ticket with Condi Rice, and you've got a winner.

Gronk/Rice 2004: Gronk now, more than ever!

(And then the Democrats run Grogg/Lieberman...)